Hungry but Happy

So yesterday I had a splurge day however I quickly exercised it off via work. I've lost quite a few pounds, actually almost ten but weight fluctuates so every time that number is higher I feel like an ultimate failure. I know logically my self worth isn't connected to my weight but it is in my subconscious. The thing that restricts my diet and makes me starve for beauty. However I've noticed some side effects, like feeling weak, lightheaded and always cold. However no else even notices, why would they?

Living is not Counting

Lately, my need for control in all aspects of my life has turned me into a calorie counting maniac. I get mad at myself for eating something over 100 calories, and I have to exercise it right off. I know, sounds like anorexia nervosa, and honestly it probably is. However nobody sees it as that because I'm overweight thus "could never have an eating disorder". Even my friend said I couldn't have anorexia due to the fact I wasn't starving myself, when my actions lead to me having a little more than 1/4 of the calories I should have, then I work them right off. Even today, I have cataloged my food via a Calorie Counter and feel disgusted that I have eaten 1660 calories and have yet to exercise them off. Which I think I will do via Wii Fit due to it being winter outside. Well, those are today's ramblings.